How to Ask for Help if You Relapse

If you relapse in your recovery efforts, all is not lost. Think of it as a mistake, not a failure. Forgive yourself and ask for help.

If you relapse in your recovery efforts, all is not lost. Think of it as a mistake, not a failure. Forgive yourself and ask for help.

Like a lot of things in life, we often don’t get it right the first time we try. Learning new skills or new behaviors involves knowledge, experience, and practice, and usually a lot of it.  At Freedom Institute we understand that for countless people who struggle with addiction, relapse is part of the recovery process. This has always been the case, but it has never been more true than this past year. Alcohol consumption during the pandemic rose sharply, with adults over the age of 30 drinking with 14% more frequency. This can be chalked up to the stress, isolation, and abrupt lifestyle changes during the pandemic. For many in recovery, it has also marked an unavoidable relapse.

There is a lot of shame surrounding substance abuse and addiction, even for those in recovery. The shame of failure that can go hand in hand with relapse can feel even worse. Relapse is not uncommon, however, it does not mean failure in your recovery. What ultimately matters is how you handle it.

If you relapse in your recovery efforts, all is not lost. The most important thing to remember is that you are on the right path. You are not back where you started, at square one. You already have experience, learned skills and technics, gained knowledge and self-awareness to get you back on track, and quickly. 

So what are the most important things to do if you relapse? First and foremost: Think of it not as a failure, but as a mistake. Forgive yourself and ask for help. Sometimes this can be easier said than done, so it’s important also to consider how to ask for help.

Here are some thoughts on how to prevent relapse and how to quickly turn things around if you do relapse.

Let Go of Your Pride

As you may well know if you are in recovery, pride gets you nowhere in this department. As an insightful write-up on the downside of pride puts it, pride tends to be “shame-driven.” It is so often a way for us to guard ourselves against a perception or point of view from others. Naturally, for a lot of people struggling with addiction, this means protecting oneself against the “shame” of admitting to the problem. It’s an understandable impulse, but not a productive one. Accordingly, the first step toward asking for help is to let go of your pride internally, and believe that others will provide the assistance you need without the judgment you fear.

Return to What Worked

In a piece on exploring the frequency of relapses, a suggestion from a university addictions counselor struck us as particularly helpful. She stated that if you relapse, you should remember the regimen that got you sober in the first place, and return to it ASAP — because it worked the first time. This might mean getting in touch with a therapist, an old support group, a sober network, or anything of the sort. Whatever the specifics though, it’s wise to start your quest for help by returning to what (or who) worked before.

Speak to Your Inner Circle

Another good place to start is with your inner circle, a loved one, be it your family, your significant other, a group of friends, etc. These are the people for whom addicts often wish to demonstrate pride and hide problems, but if you’re able to be open and honest with them, they’re also the people who will often be most eager to help. Still, it’s important to keep in mind that they may not have the necessary expertise or even the right instincts to help you manage your addiction effectively. But general support can still be a good first step, and if you’re truly struggling, those closest to you can help you to find more effective, professional help. Positive social connection is the best prevention for relapse and the best way to get back on track. Recovery is not something you do alone. We all need support.

Seek Out a Therapist or Healthcare Practitioner

Reach out to a therapist you may have worked with in the past if it’s something you’re comfortable with, or if it’s worked for you in the past. If they do not have experience with substance abuse or addiction, ask them to refer you to someone who does. You can also consult with your primary care physician for referrals. In addition, expanding educational opportunities and degree programs are helping nurses gain the knowledge they need to take on more specialized healthcare roles — including some work with addiction counseling. You may find a nurse to discuss support options with, without having to go through a hospital or doctor’s office. 

Return to Treatment

Recovery is a long-term process. Beyond the possibilities above, you also have the option of returning to treatment programs that worked for you in the past as it may be exactly what you need. Asking for help is not always easy, and pursuing a more intensive option can be particularly intimidating. If you believe you need more regular help rebooting your recovery, this is a possibility to consider. 

Reaching out for support and making a connection is the most important thing you can do no matter what stage of recovery you are in. When a person first comes to Freedom Institute for help, we always start with an in-depth assessment before providing any treatment recommendations. It is the same with a relapse. Relapse can take on so many forms and be so nuanced. They are specific to the individual and their pattern of substance use and personal history. We effectively treat people at every stage of change and recovery and that includes after a relapse.  Recovering from a relapse starts with a phone call and a meeting with a licensed clinician so we can place people into the appropriate level of care. 

Just remember: Relapsing is okay. Of course, it’s not ideal, nor is it what you’re aiming for, but it can be looked at as part of a normal recovery process. Keeping this in mind, your first step upon relapsing should be to recognize it as a bump in the road, rather than a roadblock. From there, you’ll be better able to ask for help in whatever way suits you.

— Written exclusively for Freedom Institute by Reese Jones